Having a Selfish Parent/Parents

According to Webster Dictionary, Selfish is defined as: concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself : seeking or concentrating on one’s own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others.

Now we all have moments that we can say we’re being selfish but we’re usually called out on being so called selfish or realize that we are being selfish or just grow out of it.

But what if your parents/parent is selfish? How do you handle that? What do you do? Well there’s many answers to that question but honestly…it’s all up to you.

I never realized how selfish and self centered my mother is until I got into my early twenties. I went back to school and started to better myself and my mother never asked once about my education process, how I was. She constantly talked about her problems and the issues my brother and she was having. As I listened to her repeat & over dramatic stories, I thought to myself. Has she even asked how I was? Or how I was doing in school? No, she hasn’t and I’ve been back in school for a solid year now.

And that’s how our conversations went every time we talked over the phone or when I would see her in person. “Me…me…me…your brother did this to me…me…me…” If I could describe the conversations it would be how the adults sound like in Charlie Brown. As I grew more upset I realized that if I wanted this to change…I would be the one to change it. So what did I do?

I stopped calling. I ignored the calls for as long as I could or when I would answer, I kept the conversations short and simple claiming I had to do something or I would be in the middle of class, during the summer I blamed worked. I would never set a date for hanging out with her in person, I would claim that I was busy and that I would have to check and see when I could see her.

I know it might sound harsh but it isn’t. Not if you truly knew my relationship with my mother. This helped. Did she ask about me? No and I grew to accept that she would never and she realized after me breaking down and yelling at her, that I wasn’t her therapist and I was tired of hearing the same stories and she got the point. ( I don’t recommend that but it’s effective).

Dealing with relationship problems with parents is not easy. I might write more of my toxic relationship with my mother but I hoped that whoever is reading this or no someone who deals with this…helped and that you’re not alone.